Commercial Real Estate Finance: A Business of Relationships
By Roger Porter and Olga Brandeis
As I continue to grow my business, I’m astonished to see how my connections – colleagues, friends, co-workers, firms, lenders – are the lifeblood of commercial real estate finance. I’m reminded of a quote from Desmond Tutu, celebrated activist from South Africa and author of “The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World.” In the book, Tutu underscores the importance of fostering interconnectedness: “The Dead Sea in the Middle East receives fresh water, but it has no outlet, so it doesn't pass the water out. It receives beautiful water from the rivers, and the water goes dank. I mean, it just goes bad. And that's why it is the Dead Sea. It receives and does not give.”
Interconnectedness is an essential aspect of commercial real estate finance.
If this is a business of relationships, we must heed the words of Desmond Tutu and tango with giving and receiving. Because these connections strengthen our business and help us manage the realities of interest rate fluctuations, rising costs and other disruptors in my field. But how do we make interconnectedness – a core tenant of my Mindfulness in Meetings initiative – a value that is practiced in my industry?
It starts with helping others.
The act of giving takes us outside of ourselves and we become a force in the world. This develops our connections, strengthening relationships in business and all the intricacies of life. In fact, social scientists argue that we are neurobiologically wired to connect with others. In an article published in Scientific American titled “Why We Are Wired to Connect,” the author highlights a discovery in the last ten years that social pain – a cold shoulder or sharp jab – is felt as much as physical pain. “At businesses worldwide, pay for performance is just about the only incentive used to motivate employees. However, praise and an environment free from social threats are also powerful motivators.”
So how do we turn down the volume on social pain and turn it up in ways of lending a helping hand for stronger connections? The Dalai Lama, co-author of The Book of Joy with Desmond Tutu, puts it nicely: “But when you are caring, compassionate, more concerned about the welfare of others than about your own, wonderfully, wonderfully, you suddenly feel a warm glow in your heart, because you have, in fact, wiped the tears from the eyes of another.” I see this at play in my business – when I take care of my clients and lenders, I feel the warm glow and the connections grow. In other words, I just have to pour into others’ cups.
Self-compassion goes a long way in fostering interconnectedness, too.
It refers to the idea of giving ourselves room to be human; it calls for us to treat ourselves with kindness. Self-compassion grows when we “stop trying to label ourselves as “good” or “bad” and simply accept ourselves with an open heart,” writes Kristin Neff, associate professor in human development at the University of Texas at Austin and author of “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.”
And when you’re good to yourself, you’re good to others. In business, it frees the mind and makes room for new ideas, innovation, even great success. How do we practice self-compassion? Neff clues us in: “[we can] treat ourselves with the same kindness, caring, and compassion we would show to a good friend, or even a stranger for that matter.”
Perhaps the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu, whose book I mentioned in the opening, serve as the best examples of how to practice these higher ideals in life (and in business) to foster connection. These two men – titans of spiritual enlightenment – suffered greatly in their lives. The book outlines their journeys of turning their pain into purpose. How did they do it? They reached for joy in every thought, every moment, every action. They developed their own practices of helping others and self-compassion.
“Adversity, illness, and death are real and inevitable. We choose whether to add to these unavoidable facts of life with the suffering that we create in our own minds and hearts,” write the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu, reflecting on their storied pasts. “The more we make a different choice, to heal our own suffering, the more we can turn to others and help to address their suffering with the laughter-filled, tear-stained eyes of the heart.”
The truth is we need each other to thrive.
The same goes for day-to-day business, and I’m building my firm on a foundation of interconnectedness through helping others and self-compassion. How are you building your business with care and concern for others in your field? I’d love to hear from you. Drop a thought or two in the contact form and keep the conversation going!
